Recently, we gave some workshops on resilience and courage. I’m here to tell you that courage is where it’s at. Stuff resilience! Go for courage! Courage is the new resilience. The way science talks about resilience it makes you think that you either have it or you don’t (not true) and that we understand resilience (we don’t). You can’t be taught resilience but you can be taught how to be courageous.
Read MoreIt’s time to apply courage to your life. Learning and practicing courage is a truckload of work and there is no quick fix. It will take effort; but this effort will be worthwhile and it will get easier.
Read MoreImagine you’re part of a study: you lie down in a functional MRI machine which looks at blood flow inside your brain. You’re staring at a live snake on a movable trolley not too far away. The snake moves; it eyes you off; you eye the snake off. Your task is to force yourself to do what you fear: move it closer and closer to your head. You can push the snake away anytime you want, no hard feelings, experiment over, but you’re asked to be determined.
Read MoreCourage means ‘of the heart’. It is not something you are born with, it is something you learn and practice. Unfortunately, many people think courage means not feeling fear even in the face of danger. Then the rest of us feel judged and defeated because no-one can do this.
Read MoreWhenever we speak, we share our thoughts and feelings as well as raw information. Through feelings underneath the words, we literally give others a piece of our mind. Written words are very different to spoken words. Written words are next to lifeless on a page, but when someone speaks to us, there’s always emotion and intent; we feel their ‘feelings underneath,’ we feel their presence. There’s always a small possibility of aggression when two humans meet, so the impact of spoken words can immediately be comforting or confronting. Spoken words are loaded not only with information as in a text-book, but also with the intentions, desires and emotions of a living mind. These convey acceptance and goodwill, or rejection and ill-will. (And you thought “hello” just meant “hello”.)
Read MoreWe humans are sly, and can use this to our advantage. Through the social brain, we transmit ‘feelings underneath’ which can be loaded with subliminal messages: I like you, you disgust me, I want to have sex with you, you’re being unfair, that hurt, I’m bored with you, and more. These messages can be felt by others but can be denied by us because we didn’t use words. This saves our reputation but hides our real intentions.
Read MoreIn our current cultural climate, there’s a conflict between people who value free speech and people who value political correctness to avoid “micro-aggressions”. Laws can be passed which protect one over the other. It’s a balance. Our ideal is to preserve free speech while minimizing micro-aggressions.
Read MoreDo the culture wars have you walking on egg-shells? Does political correctness leave you too anxious to talk to anyone? Have you ever had a situation where you thought you were being helpful but ended up offending someone? Has anyone ever taken offence at your jokes? But I didn’t intend to insult you! You took it the wrong way! I didn’t mean it!
Read MoreYes, people can hurt you. This final post is for people who need to calm down their Amygdala fears and anxieties, to allow them to have the courage and vulnerability to make their relationships their greatest assets; to trust people again.
Read MoreOften when we prepare ourselves for the day, we prepare ourselves to invest in our assets, for what we can get out of the day, for what we can produce, for how much of an influence we can be, or for how much further we can get in our careers. There is nothing wrong with all of this, but it makes for empty broken dreams if we do not do it with and for other people.
Read MoreThis is the first minute in the Morning Mental Fitness Program which is focused on other people. Our lives, are lived in tandem with other lives: we affect others people and they affect us. We are social creatures. Others go a long way in determining the quality of our lives. It’s important to ask how do I come across?
Read MoreWe ask ourselves this question often. Being free of desire is impossible. Do you desire a more peaceful life? Do you desire to be free of desire? Do you desire to make this world a better place? There are many worthwhile desires. You decide.
Be aware of some characteristics of your desires:
Read MoreIt’s a strange question. How do I feel? seems more natural, but this evokes judgment: “good” or “bad” are usual responses. What do I feel? makes you more aware of and curious about your emotions. Usual answers may include I feel calm, peaceful, intensely angry, frustrated, joyful, mildly sad.
Read MoreAs you breathe in and out in this first minute of your five-minute Morning Mental Fitness Program, ask yourself what do I think? This makes you aware of your thoughts. Know some characteristics of your thoughts. These include, according to pioneer psychologist William James,
Read MoreThis Morning Mental Fitness Program consists of 5 minutes spent alone every morning to prepare you for the day, whatever it may bring. It involves 5 brain areas which influence your outlook on life, yourself and other people.
Read MoreIn this last post, we look at handling triggers, reactions and letting go of emotions. A trigger is something that sets you off: a car back-firing is a trigger to those who have been in combat, words can be triggers if a parent belittled you constantly, someone raising their voice is a trigger if past arguments lead to violence. Anything can be a trigger. The way to break this link, is to know your triggers, be aware of them and be ready for them.
Read MoreIn this post, we look at stopping hurt and clearing the pool of unresolved strong negative emotions before a build up of sludge. The first link to break is the hurt.
First link: Hurt
Hurt leads to our sludge-pool of unresolved emotions deep inside. If there were less hurt in the world, there would be less unresolved emotions lurking inside. Much of life is competition: someone wins or loses, that’s why we love our sport. Winning feels good and losing hurts, but it’s an OK lesson. Here we’re talking about deeper hurts: harsh dads, abuse, broken relationships, failures.
Read MoreMen, do you want to overcome negative emotions? We’re going to learn how to break the chain of strong negative emotions. It all begins with hurt. Hurt can lead to a volcano of emotions. Men become destructive when the accumulated volcano of emotions becomes too much to handle. But each link in the chain can be broken, a solution can be found. There’s a way out, something you can do, a better turn to take.
Here’s the chain of strong negative emotions:
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