How do I come across? Morning Mental Fitness (5)
This is the first minute in the Morning Mental Fitness Program which is focused on other people. It is hugely beneficial to meditate on what we think, feel and want; this helps us become self-aware. Our lives, however, are lived in tandem with other lives: we affect others people and they affect us. We are social creatures. Others go a long way in determining the quality of our lives. It’s important to ask how do I come across?
Anatomy: The Basal Ganglia
The Basal Ganglia is a group of nerve centers near the base of the brain. They subtly refine all of our movements. After we make an Orbito-Frontal Cortex choice about an action or some words we wish to speak, the Basal Ganglia makes adjustments in our actions or speech to affect how we come across.
The Basal Ganglia has rich inputs from three main areas: our Frontal Lobe thoughts, our Limbic System emotions, and our Orbito-Frontal Cortex desires. These all refine our movements and speech through the Basal Ganglia.
Frontal Lobe thoughts
Limbic System emotions to Basal Ganglia refine what we do or say.
Orbito-Frontal Lobe desires
Take walking as an example. Susan decides to walk into a room.
Inputs from Susan’s Frontal Lobe thoughts to her Basal Ganglia refine Susan’s walk; she looks purposeful as she strides in to ask a guy a question. Inputs from her Limbic System emotions to her Basal Ganglia refine Susan’s walk to show that she is actually depressed: her shoulders are slouched and her gaze is downcast. Inputs from her Orbito-Frontal Cortex desires to her Basal Ganglia refine Susan’s walk because she want to impress others in the room; she tries to walk upright and confidently. With all these refinements, Susan’s walk sends out signals which others pick up. Others can read that Susan’s really depressed but she has to ask that guy a question and she’s trying to look confident about it. People in the room sense Susan’s state of mind. People who care about her will wonder is Susan OK?
Take speech. Ben and his mother have an argument. Then he says I’m going for a walk.
Inputs from Ben’s Frontal Lobe thoughts to his Basal Ganglia adjust the speed and pitch of his voice so that his mother, who is upset, will understand clearly. Inputs from his Limbic System emotions will betray him by adding an edge of anger and abruptness because that’s how Ben’s feeling. Inputs from his Orbito-Frontal Cortex to his Basal Ganglia temper the anger in Ben’s voice because he doesn’t want to worry his mother. Ben’s words tell his mother about his thoughts, but the tone of his voice tells his mother about his emotions and desires. He speaks in a slightly raised voice with a hint of anger tempered by some reassurance: I’m going for a walk! His mother’s brain picks up all these subtleties and understands that he needs space. She replies I understand … sorry … Love you … Take a warm jacket.
How do I come across?
This question will make you aware of your connection to other people. Be aware of some characteristics of your connection to others:
We live with each other
We affect each other
We read each other
These characteristics will lead you to more questions
With whom do I share my life?
How do I affect others?
What do others read in me?
As you breathe in and out, think about these questions. There is no need to judge they way you come across. The aim is to be conscious of self without being self-conscious. The aim is NOT to vigilantly monitor the signals you give out; other people will only read this as why are you being so uptight lately? The aim is to be aware that you DO, in fact, “come across” to others. You DO share your life with others, you DO affect others and others DO read you as a human being.
Allow yourself to be a human being sharing your life with other human beings.
The Practice
So you’re sitting and breathing in and out in your usual morning spot. You are calm. Your awareness is on the tip of your nose and on your breath. The first minute was for “think”, the second for “feel” and the third for “want.”
As you breathe in during this fourth minute of your five-minute Morning Mental Fitness Program, ask yourself how do I come across? No need to actually answer the question.
As you breathe out, simply accept that you “come across” to others and be aware of the process of “coming across.” Experience being a human being who lives among other human beings: you “come across,” you are connected with others, you affect others, and they affect you.
Do this during the morning meditation. Ideally, during the day, you will allow you to live more honestly, more deeply, and more in harmony with others. You will come across better as you become more comfortable with “coming across.”
It’s OK to be you and to have your thoughts, feelings and desires. It’s OK to be yourself as you “come across.” It’s OK to allow others to be themselves.
This is the fourth minute of your 5-minute morning meditation; it is the fourth question and the fourth brain area of your Morning Mental Fitness Program.
4: How do I come across? (Thanks to my Basal Ganglia)