Value clashes in the workplace

When not in isolation or lockdowns, the workplace is a source of much welcomed people contact and activity. It can also be the source of many annoying values clashes.

          Kim wants to get together with Sam for good networking.

         Sam’s hoping for something beyond business.

         Jordan enjoys chatting with people at meetings and digresses a lot.

         Adrian wants meetings to be efficient and stick to the point.

         Jamie loved the fun fling, but Tracey thought it would be something lasting.

         Kit was flirting to help close the deal, but Jude misunderstood.

Because of workplace protocols and sensitivity around flow of information – jobs could be on the line – resolving workplace values clashes need tact. Keep in mind one major point: people are people.

People are people

As obvious as it sounds, we can forget this when at work; we’re so focused on outcomes, key performance indicators and bottom lines.

We are under the delusion that all people are reasonable. In 1637 Rene Descartes announced that I think therefore I am. Since then, we have subjugated and denigrated our emotions and sensations, even though these keep us from being robots. They make life colorful, interesting and fun.

This psychiatrist will now spill the beans on what people actually are (all of us): seething, complex, ambiguous masses of primordial rage, fear, love, joy, stillness, hope, desire, surprise, anticipation, horror, disappointment, frivolity, banality, pain, pleasure, sexual arousal, disgust, nausea, sensitivity, insensitivity, perplexity, self-consciousness, wonder, regret, appeasement, defiance and nobility, all hiding under a thin veneer of reason. Everyone. Me included. You included.

Our decision-making center, the orbito-frontal cortex, has strong connections to the limbic system emotions, and to frontal lobe planning, judgment, reason and attention. In the light of neuroscientist Antonio Damasio’s work, we need to refine Descartes’ statement:

 We think, feel and experience bodily sensations, therefore we are.

With this in mind, we can appreciate the need for social masks, particularly in the workplace.

Social Masks

Masks aren’t only about protection against coronavirus, social masks protect us against each other. We like to impress each other as thinking, reasonable beings; it’s good for the workplace. We pretend I think therefore I am by wearing a social mask to hide the feelings and bodily sensations.

I THINK. Ah, this sounds reasonable, productive and useful in the workplace. This keeps me functioning and in a job. No need to hide it.

I FEEL. Problems arise if I’m feeling angry, jealous, belittled, stupid or embarrassed, so I hide these emotions under my mask of clothing, make-up, polite smiles, well-chosen words, pretence and lying when needed.

I EXPERIENCE BODILY SENSATIONS. Really big problems here. It’s OK if someone notices I’m hungry or thirsty, but what if I’m sexually aroused by one person, disgusted by another, or I’m in pain? These really need to be kept hidden, as do my dizziness, panic, dread, numbness, flatulence and that deep, dark emptiness of being anxious since covid struck.

In values clashes with colleagues, clients or competitors, remember they too feel and experience bodily sensations all kept hidden under a much-needed mask. Be gentle.

Handling workplace values clashes

Here’s the ABCDEF.

Acknowledge the clash; be Aware of feelings and sensations.

Blame no-one. Beneath a mask, a colleague may die of humiliation.

Calmly Communicate the Clash: It’s just a clash of values. It’s OK.

Discuss the situation to help understand and accept. Wanna talk?

Empathize. Me too! I have a mask too.

Find Fine Feelings underneath.

Also, during a values talk, BE CALM

BEgin by affirming collegiality; BE gentle.

Choose a time and space Conducive to Conversation.

Ask How are you feeling? This shows interest in the person.

         Listen. Listen. Listen.

Move forward by accepting and overlooking.

All the above presuppose you will talk to the person concerned. Beforehand, however, consider

Can I just let the value clash go?

Can I just overlook it as if it didn’t happen?

Is a direct approach best or should I phone, text or email?

Am I the right person to say something?

To you it may be just a values clash, but the other person may feel it’s their reputation, job or livelihood. Just like you, they are a person: thinking, feeling and sensing under a well-chosen mask. Be gentle.

Workplace values clashes, handled well, make for workplace harmony rather than ongoing tension.