Value clashes in our society
Thanks to the internet and social media, we are more and more informed about and exposed to the world’s diversity, competing wants, needs and crashing values clashes. The fast-pace transfer of information means that more opinions are formed, more values are articulated and more of us are getting more say as more diverse others have their say.
It’s a rising din; a beautiful noise; a terrifying music.
The consequence of this is an almost unending spate of values clashes with strong opinions backing up each side. What can be done? For most of us, the answer is … nothing. But … be Aware, be Blameless, be Calm and Discuss, Empathize and Find Fine Feelings wherever possible. This will help preserve harmony in human relationships.
This is the last in a series of eight posts on values clashes. In each previous post – value clashes with love partners, between adult children and parents, in friendships, adult siblings, in-laws or work colleagues – there was something to be done, a relationship to be repaired. When it comes to society, however, we enter a world of expressed opinions rather than real relationships. Holding an opinion puts you in relationship with … no-one. The world is full of opinions and it’s a clash of opinions.
What is an opinion?
An opinion is just an opinion; an intangible idea based on belief rather than fact. It is changeable and ephemeral. Opinions, values, and beliefs are used by the brain as blue-print short-cuts to help us understand and navigate a bewildering world, and try to make sense of things we can’t understand. They are very useful to guide and serve our personal decision-making, but they bring us into conflict with others. Accepted facts can help unite us.
Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions,
But no-one’s entitled to their own facts. (via Bernard Baruch)
You can hold your own opinions as strongly as you like, it doesn’t matter. As soon as you encounter another human being, however, something else matters: the relationship. Are they friend or foe? Fight them or befriend them? Fellow human being or enemy to be vanquished? You will have value clashes with most everyone you meet, the problem is keeping peaceful relationship where possible.
We can focus on the clashes: political, social, economic, religious, ideological, cultural, philosophical or pragmatic. We could study and research to understand them, and we do, but they will not be resolved. We could focus on what unites us: our shared humanity, common problems. This would help us stand together in spite of value clashes.
Standing together
Human beings stand together in common causes needing to be overcome: war enemies, cancerous diseases, depression, a deadly virus. To stand together we must quell our differing opinions, values and beliefs. To accept the differing opinions and to help us stand together as human beings, we will consider the same “handling value clashes” principles and ABCDEF of skills used throughout this series of posts. They can be used in conversations with relative strangers to help make them relative friends.
Be aware of diversity of values in society.
Understand, accept and live by your own values.
No need to live by or approve of other’s values; be true to yours.
Don’t expect others to live by yours; they’ll stay true to theirs.
Here’s the ABCDE of handling value clashes in society.
Acknowledge and be Aware of society’s value clashes.
Blame no-one.
Calmly Communicate the Clash: It’s just a clash of values; differing opinion.
Discuss the situation with others to understand and accept them.
Empathize. Me too! I wish we could agree, but we can’t!
Find Fine Feelings.
Here are some useful phrases for discussing values clashes, differing opinions or contrasting beliefs.
It’s great to be in a country where we can discuss these things.
Say that in England a few centuries ago to lose your head!
Let me listen to your point of view just one more time.
I still don’t agree with you, but you’ve taught me a lot; thanks.
You won’t convince me but I do want to understand you.
With respect, I can accept your opinion for you, but not for me.
I don’t want this to get in the way of us sharing some friendship.
Me too. I find these conversations tough.
Another thing we can agree on: we can disagree on this.
When discussing value clashes, remember that
Clashes batter human relationships like storms batter trees.
Yet storms strengthen trees.
A sudden lightning bolt or strong gust can snap a tree.
Discuss things with others like a gentle to firm breeze.
Don’t lace your words with thunderous criticism.
Aim to speak truth kindly and to be truthfully kind.
Society’s values clashes resonate like crashing cymbals and loud gongs and the din can be deafening, but even the din is part of an earthly mosaic, a symphony of humanity’s progress to … who knows where.