Personality and Culture, Impact and Intent
Have you every felt uncomfortable in a foreign country? Ever been alone and lost in a place where you didn’t understand the language? Locals may stare at you, then talk quickly to each other with wild hand gestures, then look back at you. Their intention was to help you, but somewhere in the back of your mind you wondered if they were plotting to kidnap you. Their good intention may have impacted you badly simply out of language barriers and cultural difference. Because of culture and language, there can be a gulf between intention and impact.
This is post 5 in a series looking at Impact vs Intent. In this post, we look to cultural anthropology and cultural neuroscience for more insight. All that we say about culture here can be applied to individual personality. Culture is “the personality of larger groups.” It’s the way things are done around here. Our personalities are different because we all do life differently.
Different cultures have different approaches to how closely we stand to each other when talking, how we prioritize time, how we fulfil each other’s expectations, how much eye contact is acceptable, how we relate to older generations, how much we see ourselves as individuals or as part of a group, how we embrace new ideas or cling to the old, how we date and marry, or how much we respect authority or not. It’s all cultural. Culture changes brain wiring. Social interactions are particularly informed by culture. Anthropologists Edward T. Hall, Geert Hofstede and Fons Trompenaars articulated many of these cultural differences and their insights have helped us do business all over the world. Their insights can also help us get on better as people and understand the Impact versus Intent dilemma.
Culture affecting social interactions
A good intention based on one culture’s protocols can have an adverse impact on someone from another culture. Let’s take the difference between a person from a ‘reserved and polite’ culture, and a person from a ‘forward and open’ culture. It could be their personalities. Let’s make them males.
A guy from an open culture meets a guy from a reserved culture. He intends to be friendly, so he
Smiles a lot
Laughs and talks loudly
Gestures with his hands a lot
Stands close and leans in
Touches the other on the shoulder and arms
Discloses a lot of personal information.
His intention is to be agreeable and friendly, but how does this impact the reserved guy? Badly! He thinks this person is too much! Too much information! Too close! Too loud! That’s enough! He can’t wait to get away.
Good intention, bad impact.
Let’s say the reserved guy now meets a guy an open culture. He intends to be friendly, so he
Smiles just a little
Chooses his words carefully
Talks softly and keeps his distance
Doesn’t share personal information
Keeps his hands and opinions to himself.
His intention is to be agreeable and friendly, but how does this impact the guy from the open culture? Badly! The guy from the open culture thinks this person is putting up a wall: What’s wrong with this guy, doesn’t he want to get to know me? Do I smell bad or something? He walks away feeling disappointed.
Good intention, bad impact.
I know I’m caricaturing, but the principle behind this scenario is the basis for some great social misunderstandings, not only between individuals, but between nations. As a general rule, and outside of war hot spots, people all over the world are much friendlier than we give them credit for. They have good intentions. In our cultural differences, however, it’s how we show our friendliness that leads to misunderstandings. Cultural differences can lead to adverse impacts.
Application
Culture is nothing but the personality of large groups. This information is just as relevant to people of differing personalities as to cultural groups. Culture plays an important role in how we come across to others. As a general rule, people have good intentions. To ensure a better impact on another person, try to “match” their style. Is the other person more open or reserved? In the above scenario the guy from the open culture needed to tone himself down a little, and the guy from the reserved culture needed to come out of his shell just a little. If mistakes are made, remember to listen, apologize, and build a bridge to aim for good feelings underneath.
You’ll never go wrong when you listen and apologize.
Build bridges of trust rather than walls of distrust.
Aim for good ‘feelings underneath’.
You don’t have to change who you are, but it helps to appreciate that others are different. If you’re in a foreign country, an apology can be made in words or with eye contact and gestures. The apology will be transmitted through the social brain.
Take care
Watch our YT video to see how to better negotiate the “us and them” divide: